Fast Lane Tea is Back!

Jul 21

Oh… my…. God. It worked. It actually worked. You see these things done all the time, for all manner of silly and illogical causes, but you never think they’ll actually end up changing the world. All hail the mighty e-petition!

Yes, folks, its true. One of the greatest blunders in the history of tea-making has been rectified. Celestial Seasoning has officially brought back Fast Lane Tea!

Now, I know Celestial Seasonings has a bit of a bad rap. Its common, its cheap, its flavors are bold and boastful and appeal to the lowest common denominator. Bah to that. Celestial Seasonings may have a lot of crazy and, let’s face it, awful flavors, but with Fast Lane Tea, they achieved perfection. I’m going from memory here (its been nearly a decade since I last drank the stuff), but it had this delicious, earthy taste to it… a mix of black tea, spices, and, oh yes, loads and loads of caffeine. (Hence the name).

I got hooked on this stuff in the mid- to late-90s when I was in college. It had all the flavors I loved and all the kick I needed to keep me going through my semi-monthly all-nighter marathons. It was above all others, my go-to-tea.

And then, for some incomprehensible reason, Celestial Seasonings stopped making it. At first I took the news in stride, but as the months went by I began to realize just how much I missed this tea. I searched all over for it, and eventually bought a small stash of it on eBay (for an outrageously inflated price). But it was old, no longer at its peak, and it didn’t satisfy me the way I remembered. Fast Lane Tea was, it seemed, no more.

One day, doing a random tea search online I came across the Bring Back Fast Lane Tea Petition. It gave me a good chuckle to read the comments there, hundreds - if not thousands - of them, so many of them like my own in those early days immediately following its cancellation. I even signed the petition myself, really just for a laugh. Not in a million years did I think it would ever have an effect.

Then, lo and behold, this very morning I come across this:

Fast Lane Tea! — Its Back! - “You spoke, we listened, its back!”

I nearly fell out of my chair. Celestial Seasonings actually listened to its customer base… imagine that!

Now, CS is saying its available “Only for a limited time”, and only through their online store (and Boulder, CO headquarters), so I’m not taking any chances. I ordered eight boxes toute suite from their online store. Shipping was atrocious - $10 for FedEx ground - but my order was over $25, so at least I didn’t get socked with a $2.50 “handling fee”. But, whatever - this is Fast Lane Tea we’re talking about… the tea of my college days… the tea I thought was gone forever. Its back, and I don’t care what it costs, I’m stocking up!

My one fear… my one ENORMOUS fear… is that they mucked with the recipe. Companies do it all the time. I’m praying to all the gods I can find that this isn’t the case.

Time will tell.

In the meantime, I’m off to create some e-petitions of my own.

UPDATE: Alas, Fast Lane is, literally, no longer my cup of tea. You can read my bitter-sweet review here.